WEDDING PLANNING AS AN INTERRACIAL COUPLE

WEDDING PLANNING AS AN INTERRACIAL COUPLE

I am in an interracial relationship. My fiancé is white English and I am a black British Nigerian woman. I don’t really discuss about being in an interracial relationship, as I don’t see the need to. However, wedding planning has really opened my eyes to our quite obvious differences and at times it’s actually been comical! I thought I’d share with you somethings I never thought would be so different when wedding planning as an interracial couple. These are just some quite light-hearted observations I’ve made!

INVITATIONS

We’ve never really wanted a massive wedding. If you are familiar with the Nigerian culture, you know that small weddings are not part of our vocabulary. I already knew that my wedding would never be considered small because I have a big family and we know a lot of people. On the flip side, I’m sure that my fiancé had other plans. I think he had visions of a wedding party with no more than 150 guests (which was still too much). Let’s just say that once we’d calculated mine and his family, 150 guests was fast becoming a day dream!

You see typically in the Nigerian culture invitations are sent from you as a couple as well as your parents to their friends. Wedding parties are a big deal, so it’s custom to invite many people. I should also note that Nigerian families tend to contribute a lot to the wedding planning (e.g. financially) so it’s like a ‘family’ wedding – if that makes sense!

I’ve had to be really strict and send an ‘Invite only’ type of invitation. Although one of my uncle’s did let me know that Nigerians don’t ‘understand’ that (he was joking by the way – but there’s some truth in that!). I think my fiancé and I have succumbed to the fact that we won’t be having a small wedding. We’ve come to a good number (although much higher than we’d thought!) and I’m glad that side is over now.


FOOD & DRINKS

When it came to choosing the food, I wanted to incorporate both my Nigerian culture and his English culture. We decided to have my fiancé design the wedding breakfast menu (the first meal), and I’d do the evening party food which would be Nigerian. It’s worked out great and I’m glad we decided to split it this way.

Another thing that was a bit of a difference was that at Nigerian weddings / parties, we do not expect people to pay for the drinks. My fiancé was a bit surprised as he was expecting us to get a bar for people to buy drinks. I had to explain that we’re used to buying more than enough drinks to have an open bar. The first time I went to a wedding where I had to buy my drinks I was surprised, but now I know that it’s a common thing. I completely understand the reasoning behind asking guests to buy their own drinks, but we’ve been able to ensure that our guests won’t have to.

CLOTHING

This was the funniest! So my fiancé and I are changing into Nigerian clothing in the evening of our wedding day. When I first told him about us changing he was fine with the idea but I could detect some hesitance. About 2 months after informing him of this he one day randomly asked if he’d have to wear his Nigerian outfit the whole day (a little disappointment detected in his voice). I had to let him out of his misery and tell him that of course not! The relief on his face was hilarious! Not only had he been thinking about the outfit for the two months prior, he also didn’t want to tell me he didn’t want to wear it all day as he thought he’d upset me (bless him!).

Right now we’re in the process of getting measured for our evening outfits and then we’ll be finalising our designs. I’ll keep you updated!  Oh and yes we are wearing the traditional wedding gown and suit for the ceremony and wedding breakfast.

Thierry Mugler

Despite these cultural differences, we’ve used this time to really understand each other’s practices. As an interracial couple we’ve had to learn each other’s cultures outside of the wedding planning anyway. I feel that the planning has brought us even closer together. I can’t wait to see how it all works out!

My fiancé and I

If you’ve been in the wedding planning process, were there any comical moments that really highlighted your differences? I’ve written a checklist for wedding planning here for those who really need the help!

Speak soon

Victoria x




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31 Comments

  1. January 26, 2018 / 7:14 pm

    Aww sounds like you have had some sweet and interesting moments. I think wedding planning will bring you closer together. I can’t wait till the big day.

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:46 pm

      Thank you!

  2. January 26, 2018 / 8:39 pm

    This post is so sweet! It’s lovely how you guys have incorporated both of your heritages into your special day!

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:47 pm

      Thank you!

  3. January 27, 2018 / 3:38 pm

    How interesting! Even within the same culture, my husband and I were split on the open bar. Since it is the first thing you do together as a married (also) couple it can be stressful. I am glad you found humor in it!

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:47 pm

      You have find the humour otherwise the stress gets to you even more lol!

  4. January 27, 2018 / 4:39 pm

    Your wedding sounds really exciting, although quite expensive! I would be excited to try the Nigerian food and see your outfits. Definitely an event to remember.

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:48 pm

      Thank you!

  5. January 28, 2018 / 1:35 am

    This is so exciting! I had never thought about how different the actual planning could be. I think your culture is a lot like mine (Colombian) where the wedding is like a massive meeting place for family members and family friends, and our parents also get like their own guest list lol. My bf is American and I’m sure he’d imagine a much smaller wedding. We have no plans for a wedding, but it’d be interesting to see how it goes.

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:40 pm

      That would be interesting to see! Thank you!

  6. January 28, 2018 / 6:57 pm

    Sounds like you’re going to have a fantastic wedding. A free bar is something I would love if I had a renewal of vows! We couldn’t afford it first time around but we were really young x

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:35 pm

      Thank you!

  7. January 28, 2018 / 10:10 pm

    I hadn’t really though about how cultural difference could affect wedding plans. I am getting married in August and we are enjoying a steep learning curve about the wedding process and finding out more about each other!

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:34 pm

      Congratulations! All the best with your wedding planning!

  8. January 29, 2018 / 12:34 am

    It was super interesting to read this. I totally understand the invitation situation. My first weeding was a inter cultural marriage and we had 100’s of people turn up I had never met and it was crazy! The second time around I married a UK man and it was invite only. 🙂 I hope it all goes well.

    • January 29, 2018 / 12:34 pm

      The differences are so interesting! Thank you!

  9. January 29, 2018 / 12:51 pm

    Your wedding sounds like it’s going to be loads of fun! We had a very small (two parents, two witnesses and our kids!) at ours, but I would have loved to have a big one with loads of planning.

    • January 30, 2018 / 4:42 pm

      I can’t wait for it! Thank you!

  10. January 29, 2018 / 8:28 pm

    I never thought about it as my partner and I are not getting married but you have it sorted! I would to see your Nigerian outfit!

    • January 30, 2018 / 4:43 pm

      Aww I will definitely have pictures once the wedding is done! x

  11. January 29, 2018 / 8:38 pm

    Sounds like you guys are going to have an amazing day ! The planning sounds like a lot of fun and something you both enjoy x

    • January 30, 2018 / 4:43 pm

      It’s a bit stressful but we’re trying to see the funny side to it! x

  12. January 29, 2018 / 9:47 pm

    Exciting times planning a wedding. I remember planning ours. So so long ago now. All the best with your planning.

    • January 30, 2018 / 4:44 pm

      Thank you!

  13. Emily Leary
    January 29, 2018 / 10:31 pm

    I hope we get to see photos of the big day! I was smiling along picturing the food and outfits.

    • January 30, 2018 / 4:44 pm

      Yes you definitely will! x

  14. January 30, 2018 / 10:10 am

    Wow, this was really interesting. It’s crazy how much difference there is in wedding culture. Not paying for drinks sounds pretty bloody good though, haha!

    Can’t wait to see pics of the big day.

    Katie xoxo

    • January 30, 2018 / 4:45 pm

      Thank you! I’ll be sure to post the pics! xx

  15. January 30, 2018 / 6:35 pm

    Oh, I’d never thought of cultural differences when planning a wedding. It’s been interesting to find out about the differences. Although, I suppose it’s made the process that much more fun.

    Our wedding was a quiet affair and I limited the guests to the family we saw regularly.

    A lovely photograph of the two of you too! 🙂

  16. January 30, 2018 / 10:01 pm

    It sounds like you are totally on top of incorporating both your heritages into the wedding. I think thats brilliant and it will make it even more personal to you. Can’t wait to see some of the photos x

  17. February 3, 2018 / 2:18 pm

    I am planning my wedding and I found this really interesting. We are having a small wedding of 40 day and 120 evening guests, I have never been to a big wedding before. I love that weddings are such a family affair in Nigeria, we are paying for the whole day ourselves and neither of our families has had much input in our wedding but I wish they would xx

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