Not fitting in? That’s perfectly ok! (And some tips to help you)

Not fitting in? That’s perfectly ok! (And some tips to help you)


I’ve been struggling lately with the notion of ‘fitting in’ and being a part of something – whatever that may be. I’ll be completely honest with you (like all of my other posts!) and say that I am no.1 when it comes to comparing myself to others and letting others achievements bring me down. You see, I work hard with whatever I put my mind to, but a lot of the time I feel like my efforts are going to waste, as I hardly see the fruits of my labour. Call me impatient (my fiancé does! LOL!), but I just want to see that I’m not wasting my time when placing my efforts into something.

So where am I going with all of this? Well, with the frustration I’ve been feeling I’ve also tried to look at the different communities and I’ve tried to ‘fit in’ and I’ve realised that I just don’t. This really used to bring me down, and I also realised that it will stir up feelings of anxiety (read my post all about my experience with anxiety here) and as a result I’d feel terrible about myself and my work. Especially within the blogging community. I’ve realised that a lot of the time, my need or want to fit in has stemmed from a lack of not knowing my own identity, so I felt the need to forge a new one by gaining the approval of others.

Whether it be blogging, work, or my friendship groups, I’ve always felt that I needed to please others to be accepted or I needed others to comment or like something I’ve done to feel accepted. But, you know what it’s all superficial – and the more I realised this the less anxious I have become. So I thought I’d share with you some of my tips for not fitting in and being carefree about that decision!

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel

– Steven Furtick 

  1. Stop believing everything you see – social media is one of the biggest exaggerators of the truth and for that reason I take everything I see with a grain of salt. It may appear that everyone has their ‘ish together, but trust me behind the hundreds of social media likes and comments is another story. From staged pictures to likes for likes and comments for comments, the genuine nature behind a lot of what we see is fabricated.
  2. Focus on your own achievements – this is something I really struggle with. I’m so busy looking at what others have achieved or are achieving and the opportunities they are getting, that I fail to concentrate on my own. You see, I may not have thousands of people telling me how wonderful I am, but I still have achieved A LOT that I’m VERY proud of in my life. From having a successful teaching career, to being a homeowner, to meeting the love of my life and getting engaged and to now dealing with and overcoming mental health issues – quite frankly I think that beats conforming to a societies ideals to get a bigger following.
  3. Carve out your own success – if ‘fitting in’ is your criteria for success, realise that it really isn’t! A lot of successful people (there are so many ways to measure success by the way), have become like that because they are different / unique or even an outcast (although I wouldn’t recommend seeking to become an outcast!). I think I may write a post on people that have inspired me because of their differences, so keep a look out.
  4. Realise that ‘fitting in’ just isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things – there are many more important things to consider in life. Focus on things that truly matter in life and build genuine relationships. It’s better to do life together than alone, but be sure that you do life with those who you truly care for.

I really hope this post has helped at least one of you out there – remember:

‘how can you stand out when you work so hard to fit in?’ 

Vicky x



  1. July 7, 2018 / 2:15 pm

    THIS is so important and definitely something I need to remind myself more often! Fitting in can be more effort than it’s worth at times, good on you xx

    • Victoria
      July 26, 2018 / 8:27 pm

      Thank you x

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